After a few days and many voiding of my warranties, I have now been able to turn my Verizon-crippled phone into one that does 99% of the things I want it to. I have all of my ringtones, some non-standard graphics, and have re-activated some features that Verizon doesn't want me to use (for example, notification if I'm roaming... they'd rather have me talk for hours at a higher rate and not know it.).
Oh, and so far I get pretty good service everywhere my old phone used to cut out (like my apartment). Not that I got a new cell phone to make calls or anything...